


Saving Face

by rhodoniteowl



Series: The Hole Story [1]
Category: Dorohedoro
Genre: Alcohol, Identity Issues, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodoniteowl/pseuds/rhodoniteowl
Summary: Risu settles into life in Hole, and thinks about the differences between his past and current boyfriends.
Relationships: Aikawa/Risu (Dorohedoro), Kaiman/Risu (Dorohedoro)
Series: The Hole Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826875
Comments: 14
Kudos: 124





	Saving Face

**Author's Note:**

> this has major spoilers for the whole shebang so for your own sake, please don't read if you're anime only! mild warning for selfhate and everything about risu, i guess? and there's sex but it's not explicit.
> 
> postcanon, takes place between the final plot chapter and 6month epilogue... and a little bit into it, possibly? i'm staying vague for Sequel Reasons. because i'm completely rabid for every combination of these two and unfortunately for my sanity there is more on the way, so, nikaido babe i'm so sorry you got left outta this one, i'll make up for it i swear. my ideal ending is kaiman chilling with all the gyoza he wants AND a blond under each arm.
> 
> if i've made any Lore Mistakes please don't hesitate to let me know! i might not edit this but it'll effect those future works.
> 
> oh yeah and follow me @rhodoniteowl and talk to me about them i'm d y i n g

Hole -- the place, not the shambling mass of destruction (although really, how different are they) -- was made pretty simply to survive. And so, in the wake of losing its namesake: it’s the same. Surviving. One day to the next. A garbage pit full of miserable, violent idiots.

Risu is surprised by how at home he feels among them. That surprise passes quick -- since it makes sense. Not like being a magician by technicality was getting him any silver spoons in that world. No mansions, no brooms, no respect. For crosseyes in particular, miserable violence came standard. Pretty much like Hole, but with a brighter sky.

He and Kawajiri have started visiting often. Not enough they’re changing their home addresses, but enough that Nikaido makes food for four on most nights. Well, five or six or seven, but she could probably make servings for ten and see the whole thing go straight down Kaiman’s gullet. There doesn't seem to be an upper limit.

Risu eats nearly as much, but somehow, there always manages to be one bite's worth left over at the edge of his plate. And somehow, always, he pretends to ignore Kaiman stealing it.

* * *

The first chance they get, Kaiman and Nikaido drag them on a tour of the city. Like it’s a vacation or something, even though each landmark is dingier and dirtier and shittier than the last.

“Here’s the hospital,” Kaiman says. “This is where all the magician victims go for treatment.”

“Hopefully not so busy now,” says Kawajiri, smiling mildly. Risu notices that Kaiman doesn't include himself in his description.

“Here’s the department store,” Kaiman says. "We buy stuff here."

“We’ve been,” says Kawajiri, his smile more restrained. One stall sells plants, and Risu helps himself to a new, slightly more lively cactus.

“Here’s the graveyard," says Kaiman. "Where all the zombies come from.”

"Of course!" says Kawajiri. “The _what?_ ” says Risu.

“And here’s the Hungry Bug!” Risu welcomes an end to the tour. They pile into the booths, Kaiman crammed in next to Risu while Kawajiri somehow winds up cooking side-by-side with Nikaido. Whenever he does, the cheery back and forth about new recipes and knives gives Risu something to listen to and look at, turned away from Kaiman's toothy smile.

Because that's the first time, but it's not the last. Kawajiri brings him back, and the range is always alight and the fans spinning, with Kaiman mopping the floor or restocking the fridge. The Hungry Bug is never overwhelmed, but rarely completely empty. The old gang filters in and out, sometimes the doctors, sometimes other customers (giving them a wide berth and wary looks). The local regulars get used to the bulky man with a cursed head cleaning their tables.

But those are all just background noise. They don't really register on his radar. Risu’s not gonna lie about it, at least to himself: he’s there for one person.

Things are… weird, with Kaiman. He’s Aikawa, mostly, sorta, he thinks. Risu’s still finding all the ways they’re not. 

Maybe Kaiman is too. It's not Risu's place to ask, not anymore.

* * *

Aikawa rarely took off his mask; not strange for a magician, but even with his supposed partner, it was infrequent. It felt special. Except, of course, for eating.

Gyoza are easy. Gyoza can be picked up with chopsticks and popped through the opened aperture at the front of the mask. Risu realizes, belatedly, that maybe this had been a factor in fueling the man's obsession. Meals are the one time a sorcerer (or person pretending to be one) may have to expose their face, but not if they have the right kind of food.

Still, when they close up late and Nikaido has been chopping and kneading all day, even Kaiman won't demand freshly made dumpling skins. Tonight's staff meal is what she calls the lazy version, and what Kawajiri calls the best dish in the city. Something about comfort food, the simplicity of the rice and pickles elevated by the sauce and spices mixed into the meat. Something about his parents' old recipe. Risu is only ever halfway listening.

Because what that means for Risu is that Kaiman _definitely_ takes his mask off for those meals. And it makes it more difficult for Risu to eat his own portion.

It's tough when he keeps spacing out watching all of his expressions, the way his nose crinkles when he laughs, the more subtle turns up or down at the corners of his mouth when he smiles or frowns. The way he’s dead easy to read, even with the face he’s got. The things he doesn't get to see most of the time.

"Ey, Risu, you gonna finish that?" 

Broken from his reverie, Risu blinks and looks away from wide yellow eyes. "Yes." He mutters, and fixes his gaze on the far rim of his bowl, watching his food vanish in the foreground, but still absorbing the blurry green visage beyond it.

* * *

He'd never say it aloud, but Risu is deeply grateful that Kawajiri is a magic user.

Not just the power his smoke lets him access, but having a door at all. He can, and does, visit Nikaido on the slightest whim, even outside of their scheduled dinners. Ever the fretful older brother, he’ll split open the veil between worlds just to pop his head through and ask if she’s had breakfast. Risu is stuck tagging along, hanging over the man's shoulder near constantly, silently hoping it'll be time for another trip to Hole soon.

There's plenty to do, but his mind is never on the current task. It's always through that door and basking in steam and grease smoke. If he closes his eyes and concentrates, he can smell hot oil and ground pork and the sharp scents of onions and vinegar. Feel a familiar weight in the seat next to him.

It feels like his time away from Kaiman is all spent waiting for the next time he sees him.

* * *

Although seeing him, it's not like it's exactly the same. When Aikawa smiled, lines would appear from the edges of his nose to his mouth, his cheeks lifting to force his eyes into a squint. Now, Kaiman squints first, eyelids making slits of his sclera, and the corners of his mouth lift after that, not the other way around. And Aikawa always grinned easily, his smile pulling wide to expose stained ivory. 

Kaiman is somehow both more and less expressive. He takes the mask off a little more often, yet once he does, his expressions are a little more stiff. Like there's less motion allowed by his muscles. But, like Aikawa, he smiles with the entirety of his face. Sometimes his teeth are on full display -- usually when he forgets himself. There's a pale pink membrane at the corner of his grins.

And Risu is less unsettled by the sight than he is by how little it unsettles him.

* * *

Of course, that can't stop him from sometimes twisting the knife, so to speak.

"Didn't anybody ever teach you to chew with your mouth closed?" Risu knows that he's being unfair, taking out his bad mood on Kaiman, but as his closest friend, he's the closest target. He's started taking off his mask to eat even for dumplings, though he still glances around to make sure that none of the clients are looking towards his booth. It's not helping to put Risu at ease.

"Mouth doesn't work like that." Kaiman says simply, shrugging. "You gonna finish that?" Chopsticks are jabbed towards Risu's mostly finished meal, but he just sighs and uses his own to flick at the dumpling closest to the rim of the plate. 

"Go on. Not all of us are bottomless pits." Risu retorts without thinking. His grip on the chopsticks tightens, and he feels the creaking protest of the cheap bamboo vibrate through his tendons. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. He should know better than that. What if Kaiman thinks he's being cruel again? What if--

But the surrendered dumpling just gets plucked up and tossed between teeth like a meat grinder, missing them entirely. "Cool, thanks!" Risu wants to ask if he can even taste his food, but not quite enough to break the silence as Kaiman closes his eyes contentedly.

When he opens them again, he's looking straight at Risu. "So, what are you looking like that for?"

"Looking like what?"

Kaiman points his empty chopsticks towards him now, instead of the food. "You've got like, two faces."

Risu stiffens in his seat, feeling like his vision warps, compound and yet obscured by the inside of a skull, somehow equine, reptilian, and insectoid all at once. All he has is a cutout, a peephole, but now his body is the house and the entire world is outside--

But then Kaiman continues.

"You've got the one when you're," his mouth closes, obscuring his teeth, and warps into a twisted frown, "and then the one when you're _extra_..." he blinks and narrows his eyes, picking up the edges of his mouth in a snarl.

He can't help it. Risu lets out a cackle, dropping his utensils and waving his hand in the air like he's shooing the expression away. "Alright, don't ever do that again. You look like an idiot!"

"Hah! Now you see how you look all the time." Kaiman shoots back, his impressions having melted away to reveal a grin.

The amusement on his own face drops away, and Risu simply grunts as he slides out of the booth and heads towards the door.

"Hey!" After a moment looking longingly at the abandoned gyoza, Kaiman pushes himself out of his own seat and follows him out the door. "The hell, man! What's got you so pissy today!"

Risu doesn't bother to look over his shoulder as he mutters. "You think I'm pissy every day. Everybody does." 

"Sure, but it's worse today. And the day before that. And the day before that... It kinda just looks like you're getting pissier and pissier."

Hands balling to fists, Risu is grateful (not for the first time) that his gloves protect his palms from bleeding when his nails dig into them. "What do you care? You're Kaiman, remember?"

Something halfway between a sigh and a groan, and the man in question is scratching the back of his neck, between the keratinous spikes. "Sure, but I can remember some stuff, you know?"

Risu spins on his heels to stalk back, getting into Kaiman's personal space, glaring upwards even if it's barely. "Does that make you him?" He hisses, shoulders hiked up.

It seems to take Kaiman by surprise, like he hasn't had to think about this at all. It makes the urge to punch him even stronger. A completely normal human hand rises to scratch at distinctly inhuman skin near his jaw. "Well, I dunno. That's kinda too complicated for me."

"Because if you aren't him, then! Then I… I don't have anybody." Risu trails off, muttering.

"Eeeh? What's that mean! I'm still anybody!" Kaiman pouts, and Risu can't help but think that it looks almost charming on a mouth made to rip and tear. And then Kaiman is pointing at that selfsame face, his version of a scowl twisting it. "It's still about _this_ , isn't it!"

In one way, it is, since Risu's knuckles collide with the side of his snout an instant later. "You _dumbass._ " is the last thing Kaiman hears from him, sitting on the cement and rubbing his nose as Risu stomps away.

Neither of them really notice at the time that the argument has landed them a few steps away from a particular alleyway.

* * *

One thing that hasn't changed is that their spats are as brief as they are frequent. The next time Risu steps into the Hungry Bug, Kaiman is waving cheerfully at him like nothing happened. 

Another is that they always seem to be eating.

But while Aikawa had always hung around Risu's tiny apartment and never once allowed Risu to see his own, Kaiman invites him up the grungy stairs easily, bags of 'groceries' (read: instant meals, cheap beers) weighing down each arm. Risu had assumed he was just there as extra hands to carry the food, but finds himself mutely following behind him into the unit to unload it as well. And then hangs around to actually consume some of it.

The weirdest part is that it happens again.

Suddenly, he’s spending nights in Hole. Kawajiri starts to smile and wave goodbye to the pair instead of opening a door, and makes sure they’ll be back to the Hungry Bug for breakfast with Nikaido and Risu’s ride back to the magic realm.

It’s just like it used to be. They drink and wait for three minutes staring at instant noodles before they see who can get through them first. They drink and go through as many packets of chips as they can carry. They drink, and have every possible combination of meat and rice, and sandwiches, and get pizza late enough the delivery guy is halfasleep. Kaiman has a favorite food (of course the dumpling is king) but Risu feels like he’d just as soon take off a hand if he got it too close to his mouth.

It’s one of those nights, a couple cans into an eightpack, wrappers strewn around them haphazardly, that they finally have the fight.

"So, you gonna tell me what's up with you or what?" Kaiman half burps it, crushing the empty beer on his thigh and chucking it behind him. It lands about a foot away from his recycling bin.

"What's up with me? Nothing’s _up_ with me." Risu is nursing his own. Kaiman always gets the kinds he doesn’t like, but it’s all booze in the end. The effect matters more.

"Sure there is." And he's cracking the next, grabbing it without having to get up. "You're still all weird when you visit."

Risu rolls his eyes. That's not a new one, from anybody. Even Aikawa called him weird. "And you're weird even when I don't visit. Seems fair to me."

"Fine!" Kaimain sniffs, "Not like you could tell your partner or anything." He startles visibly at his own choice of words, blinking it away.

Sitting up a little straighter, Risu can only stare. "You're... You're not really that stupid, are you?"

"... Yyyyyyes?" Is the cautious offering in response.

Risu takes a huge breath and drops his chin into his palm when he lets it out. Yelling at Kaiman and assuming he'd figure it out himself hasn't exactly been working. And Kawajiri keeps chiding him for his outbursts, chiming patiently that only devils can get away with that kind of behavior. He can at least attempt this whole _talking about it_ thing.

"I don't _have_ a partner, that's why I'm pissed."

"What, I don't count?" Kaiman slurps loudly, glaring at him over his can. 

"Do you?" Risu shoots back, eyes narrowed.

That, finally, has him looking at the space between them and scratching the side of his jaw. "Well... I remember, don't I?" Risu wants to throttle him. _Does_ he? Is he even sure?

"How much?" 

"Plenty! Lots! Enough!" Kaiman sits up properly, slamming his beer down on the floor in front of him. "What, are you gonna start asking me stuff only Aikawa would know, or something?"

"Alright." The reply comes a little too fast. Risu realizes that maybe he's been wanting to do exactly that. "How did we meet?"

"Seriously?" Wrinkles crunch up the top of Kaiman's snout as he thinks. "Uuuuugh. Fine. I saved your ass. Somebody was trying to scam you or somethin'."

Close enough. "When did I tell you about my magic?"

"You got one of those machines, or like, went to a place where they rent them, or whatever. Didn't take me with you but came over right after to tell me. You were real excited."

"Okay." Risu swallows, his throat dry. "First time we kissed?"

"Oh. Um." Kaiman's jaw tilts back as he stares at the ceiling, but Risu can't tell whether it's to think or to hide his expression. "We were both kinda wasted. Got some food and a buncha beers, like any other weekend.” Like tonight. “I didn't think it was any special day, until then. And _you_ barfed right after, you lightweight! I thought I just tasted disgusting!"

Risu feels a lump in his throat, a choking obstruction that tastes like surprise. He hadn't realized that Aikawa had thought it was special, too.

"Idiot." He scrambles over the floor and grabs the back of Kaiman's neck to hold him steady when he dives in to kiss the front of his maw.

It's Kaiman's turn to choke, but crucially, he doesn't pull away. The reply comes as a stammer: "Sorry -- I can't really do that anymore..."

"Is that why?" Risu collapses against him, arms over his shoulders, clinging to the front of his shirt. "Is that the only reason why?" Has he been losing his mind over nothing for weeks? Because Kaiman's just been shy? Insecure? Maybe Risu _had_ told him to chew with his mouth closed too many times.

"Well I couldn't just start kissing you like everything is the same!"

"Idiot." He doesn't even care that he's repeating himself. "I'm mad that you _didn't._ "

Two asymmetrical but matching impacts on Risu's back, and he realizes that Kaiman's hands have been hovering over him tentatively. One starts to trace up and down between his shoulderblades, the way Aikawa used to when he thought Risu was already asleep. "I thought that it was too different. You know... I'm too different."

Risu groans and slumps further against him. This is too complicated for him, too. "You don't have to be exactly the same person to still be my partner."

* * *

Kaiman’s right that the lack of real lips means traditional kissing isn't really an option, but he seems to have retained the instincts of a hopeless romantic ( _somehow_ , it sure as hell didn't come from Aikawa), and keeps trying regardless. 

And so, they get creative. 

Kaiman tries licking a flat wet stripe over his face, and Risu decks him. Nibbling gently with his fangs is better received, but works best with his shoulders or ears while not at all with his face or neck. Eventually, after a great deal of trial and error, they find a compromise. Kaiman starts to hang his tongue out and bump his snout against Risu, and they both know what it means. It's like a secret handshake, but the club is being partners, and despite himself Risu starts to look forward to it and chuckle under his breath when Kaiman 'kiss'es him.

Unfortunately, after clocking out from work one day, they both forget themselves.

Kaiman always gets at least two people's worth of staff meals, and trots over with a tray in each hand. One laden with gyoza and the other with side dishes and sauces, both are slid onto the table in front of Risu. Leaning over, Kaiman sticks the tip of his tongue out between his teeth, and presses it to Risu's cheek. 

There's a moment, faster than a blink, where Risu tilts his head against him and smiles. It's gone when he remembers their surroundings and shoves Kaiman away from the booth like he’s a hot pan Risu’s touched, pitching a spare dumpling at his forehead. 

Too much to hope for that nobody saw. Nikaido teases the both of them about it for weeks.

* * *

One time, with Kaiman's breath on the back of his neck and nails digging into his hips, Risu stammers.

"Ah, K-kai-" he chokes out between inhales, and feels Kaiman freeze, locked in place against him. Risu reaches down and covers the hand curled over his hipbone with his own, threading his own fingers between the ones splayed and clawed on him. "-man. Kaiman." He manages to murmur, salve on an open wound.

There's a huffing exhale against his spine, and then the friction begins again. Risu makes sure to finish the syllables that he starts, after that. It's _only_ the one time.

* * *

"I just don't get it! Why've you gotta go off and turn into somebody else!" The exclamation seems to surprise even Kaiman as it escapes him, and he turns away, shoulders hiked up defensively.

There's something to pick apart in his choice of words (pot, kettle; black, Kaiman is the king of running away and leaving his problems for a new himself, isn’t he), but Risu is too angry to think about them. The entire discussion feels so stupid to him. It's all obvious, how can Kaiman not see what's right in front of him? "How can I protect you with a curse? Wait for somebody to want to kill me and just hope they're including you in the thought?" He spits back, crossing his arms over the halfdozen steel spikes on his chest. " _You're_ the one always on my ass about being able to defend myself!"

"Yeah, wonder why!" And then Kaiman is on his feet and in Risu's face before he can reach for those same weapons, proving his point without even noticing as he does. "Not like I watched you die already!" 

_And whose fault was that_ , Risu barely manages to stifle. He knows the answer to that already. "So why are you so against this? If I pass the exam, I can be more useful, use almost any kind of magic. I could even--"

But Kaiman knows what he's going to say, somehow, and cuts him off. "I _told_ you, I'm fine with my face." He seems to deflate suddenly, his chest sinking and shoulders dropping as he looks anywhere but Risu's eyes. "How come you're not?"

"Because!" Risu barely notices that his voice is rising in volume and pitch, that his hair is standing on end. "Because _I did that to you!_ "

Blinking, Kaiman stands up a little straighter and goes silent for a long moment, finally making eye contact again. "Hyeh? No you didn't, it was the smoke from that--"

"But I tried to kill you. More than try. _I killed you,_ I cursed you, I... " Set everything in motion. If he'd only tried harder to talk to Aikawa, gotten more information, gotten the story straight from him. Maybe then, things would have unfolded differently. Maybe no deaths, or at least fewer. Maybe they could have stayed together, even if they didn't stay the same.

"So?" Kaiman shrugs, and it's Risu's turn to stare. "Lots of people tried to kill me. You're just one of the few that managed it."

But Risu smiles, a little too wide, his eyes a little too round. It's the wrong answer. "Seriously?" His breath catches in his throat, and Risu brings a hand to his forehead, the space above his nose crinkling. The first laugh flies out of him before he even realizes that it has. " _Seriously?_ That's how you see it?" The laughter keeps coming, but when he bends over himself clutching his stomach, his eyes are squeezed closed not with mirth, but to shut out the world. "Doesn't it mean anything to you? I died, I died because of the only person I cared about, and then I killed him too. You're the only other person who could possibly understand that. And your take is that it was just another day?"

The shock seems to drain out of Kaiman as he sighs, the hands that had been reaching for Risu's shoulders dropping limply to his sides. "C'mon, that's not what I meant, and you know it." He pushes past whatever had his arms falling, instead lifting them to wrap around Risu's neck. "Look, if you wanna be a devil... I don't really want you to go. But it's your choice, and if you do, you'll still be my partner."

They spend a few moments like that, locked together, both of them breathing slightly out of sync. Risu notices, not for the first time, that Kaiman seems to take his inhales more slowly (than him, and than Aikawa).

"...'Kay." Risu finally mutters. wrapping his own arms around him in turn. "As long as you'll take me back."

"Hah! Are you kidding? Even if you become a devil and get a new name, you'll still be Risu to me!" Kaiman pulls back enough to give him one of those grins, sharp in the middle and pink at the edges. "You don't have to be the same person to still be my partner."

Risu flicks the top of his muzzle with his middle finger, and Kaiman whining and clutching it almost makes up for the fact that Risu can't do that while looking down his own nose at him anymore.

* * *

But the conversation doesn't go away, either, as much as Risu wishes it would.

"Do you really hate looking at me so much?"

"Huh?" Risu rolls over and bumps into Kaiman's snout, which makes it scrunch up. _Cute_ , he thinks, in the split second before the question sinks in. "What's with this again?"

Pouting with the very tips of his teeth visible doesn't do much to improve the cuteness situation, but Risu forces his face to stay neutral, to tell Kaiman that he's taking this seriously. That's difficult when the answer is "You don't fight me to be big spoon anymore."

Risu chokes quietly, squashing the urge to prove him right and roll over to make Kaiman look at the back of his head. "Okay, that's not it. We tried the other way, remember? You stabbed me in the chin. Just like, the whole area between the chest and the chin. Kawajiri asked if a sorcerer with needle magic attacked me." Though, from the sly smile he'd been wearing, he'd absolutely known the answer and was trying to rile him up.

"Oh. Right." Kaiman at least has the good graces to look embarrassed, glancing down at Risu's neck. "Sorry. I guess I forgot about that. You healed up real fast!"

Risu slips an arm over Kaiman's waist and tucks his head underneath his pebbly jaw. "I don't hate looking at you. Like I said. _That_ just... reminds me of what I fucked up. I _like_ looking at you. But there's still some downsides." He feels him tense, like he's bracing for a punch to connect. Risu gathers his courage and forges ahead. "Like always being little spoon now. Or the no kissing thing. If I was a devil I could probably change you back and forth whenever you asked. Don't you at least want to have the option?" A passing complaint, too petty to have been vocalized previously, resurfaces and makes him snort, exhaling against Kaiman's chest. "Plus, you know. I miss blowjobs."

Kaiman smacks his shoulder, affronted. "What! You can't become a devil for blowjobs!"

"Oh no? Is that in the rules?" He keeps his face carefully serious, as though this is the most important factor he's ever considered. The course of his life, or unlife, hangs in the balance. "The no blowjobs rule?"

"How should I know!" Kaiman grumbles, before his eyes travel down to look over Risu's form under the threadbare blanket. "Do devils even have... You know..."

Finally, Risu laughs, and the tension breaks completely. "I can't believe you're older than me. How can you not say dick? You've _got_ one." 

"I can too say it! You're being a dick! See!"

Risu ends up going ahead with his training, but no longer thinks of it as the only thing he has to do with himself.

* * *

“I don’t want to do it from behind tonight.”

“Huh?” Risu has to crane around over his own shoulder to see why putting his ass in the air hasn’t made a dick follow. Kaiman is crosslegged, browline drawn knit. Scowling with fangs. The effect is undercut somewhat by his cock, still hard against his thigh.

“See! You’re already like that.” He jabs a finger at Risu, accusing. “Like we’re gonna from behind! You always put your ass up before you even ask.”

Risu frowns right back at him, hard enough to crack a mirror. Tries not to feel how hot his cheeks suddenly are. “I do _not!_ ” He pushes himself back into a sit, since Kaiman’s going to make this an _issue._

“You did just now! Even though _I_ like it when you’re laying down and I --” He makes a gesture, like arms locked around thighs. Risu goes from red to crimson. “Or when you’re in my lap sitting up. I like lots of stuff. But _you_ \--” Prodding at his collarbone again, a welcome relief from the lewd charades. “Only like it from behind!”

“I don’t _only_ like that,” Risu hisses back, directed somewhere around Kaiman’s knee rather than his face. “It’s just easiest.”

“It isn’t easiest. It’s easiest when you’re on your back.”

“For you, maybe,” Risu starts, but cuts it short before the barb can form in his mouth. A deep breath. They’re talking. He’s good at this now. He's been practicing. And what is there to prove to Kaiman, of all people? Risu takes another long inhale, wills his burning cheeks to come down to a simmer. “Okay. No. I _thought_ doggy was easier for both of us.”

Kaiman’s glare suddenly slides away, breaking eye contact to get real interested in their popcorn ceiling. Mopey, not angry. “Why’s it so much easier anyways?”

“‘Cause,” and Risu has to take a few more breaths, get a running start to this much honesty, “cause I really like when your dick is right un--”

“You mean because you don’t have to see my ugly mug!”

And there it is. Whatever wiles Aikawa had, Kaiman lacks -- couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. Even if he didn’t just blurt stuff out, he’s an open book. Even with a lizard face. He’s got that twisty, upset shape to his mouth, obvious even with his snout tilted away in a huff.

After a moment frozen, Risu sighs out the rest of the head of steam he’s built up, easing himself -- halfway at first -- into Kaiman’s lap. “Kaiman… don’t be stupid.” At least Kaiman still jolts and shivers when Risu settles his weight into him. Mood’s not _totally_ ruined, then.

“But you didn’t used to like doggy best.” Oh, he’s sulking properly, now. “I remember.”

Risu kisses his frown, the bits that don’t fade into human skin. Just the rusty copper overlay all along his jaw. “I didn’t used to get to see you so much. It was more special, I guess. Seeing your face.”

Kaiman’s easy -- he softens a little more every kiss. Risu sees the weakness, presses his advantage. It buys them a long moment of quiet.

But Kaiman is also fucking stubborn. He huffs, not upset now, but not happy, either.

“You like my face,” Kaiman says. “Right?” He says it guardedly. This is a question with right and wrong answers.

“I like you. It’s part of you.” Risu replies without thinking. But -- he can recognize the weight of this, and he sighs through his nose, shooting a look back up at Kaiman. “Sure, it’s not what I woulda picked from a catalogue, alright? But there’s upsides too.”

Still cautious, Kaiman glances down at him. “Like what?”

“Like... I can kiss you all I want and you can’t do anything back.” Risu proves this as soon as he’s finished saying it.

“What! How’s that an upside, you dick!” Not like he’s wrong, though -- Kaiman fusses and bumps at him, but nature did not give the lizard a way to kiss. He’s letting Risu have his way with him, too. A good sign.

"And I miss pulling your hair, but these…" Risu's fingers tense around the base of the spines at the back of his skull, gripping them to yank his head back, letting Risu kiss the hollow of his throat. "Are almost as good."

It earns him a strangled sort of noise from Kaiman, chin tipped up. But it sounds like a _positive_ strangled sort of noise. So he keeps kissing down his chest, across the bumps and dips of his muscles, a palm trailing behind the path his mouth makes. Risu bites, perhaps a bit too hard, at the curve of his hipbone, wishing momentarily that he could draw blood. Just to see it.

"Glad you don't have 'em here, though. Blowing you's hard enough already." Risu allows himself a smirk and a glance upwards to see Kaiman's reaction, gratified instantly in the shift in his expression. Before all of this, he wouldn't have thought it possible for a reptile to cycle from blissed out to offended and back again so quickly. 

* * *

The next morning, while carrying over a plastic cup full of instant coffee, Risu feels the need to clarify. "Plus, whenever I ride you, you end up wrecking my pillow."

The way that the scales between Kaiman's eyes and his jaw turn a duller brown, almost red, is absolutely worth it. Cleaning up the coffee maybe not.

It takes some time, but eventually, Risu simply comes to terms with how many pillows he goes through. 

* * *

Risu doesn’t know exactly when he stops noticing what’s different about Kaiman. When it stops feeling like he’s pieces of Aikawa and pieces of some new man stitched together, and he’s just… One person. His partner. He rolls over in the morning and expects to see scales, only mocks him _gently_ as he helps Kaiman pry his spikes out of the mattress or the pillow. Brushes his teeth next to him, and has to fight him for it if he wants dibs on the bathroom.

It’s closer even than he ever got to Aikawa, and he only realizes that later, curled up as the little spoon (again) in their not nearly big enough bed, with Kaiman’s rough nose burrowed into his jawline, tickling him every time he exhales. He never would have gotten so intimate without it spooking Aikawa away, leaving not much more than an excuse about his migraines.

But here’s Kaiman. Not going anywhere, even when his head hurts. Even when that's Risu's fault. Even if Risu turns into a devil. Kills him. Curses him.

But, then again. He's still here, too. Pot, kettle; black, Risu muses. 

As though something as minor as a lizard face was gonna keep him away from his partner.

* * *

What we learned this time!

1\. Risu bought a new cactus.  
2\. Kaiman can't kiss people.  
3\. Partners are still partners, even with different faces.


End file.
